Per aspera ad astra

Since Nicole is leaving us for good next weekend, we decided to have one last Moscow adventure before her departure. We woke up ridiculously early to catch the 7:25 express train with Nicole’s students Larisa and Tanya and Tanya’s boyfriend Alyosha. Our plans for the day were pretty vague, but we met up with Katya at Kurskiy Station and headed out.
I bought my plane ticket to Egypt online through Aeroflot, but Russia hasn’t quite gotten the hang of e-tickets yet, so I needed to pick up a paper version of my ticket in Moscow (which, in my mind, kind of defeats the purpose of being able to buy tickets online, but who am I to judge?) So our first stop was the Aeroflot office. After seeing my mom at work, it was incredibly bizarre to be in a virtually empty travel agency with no phones ringing. After the typical hassles of Russian customer service, I now have a slightly outdated-looking ticket to Cairo! And we had a good laugh about this restaurant near the office.

For you non-Russian readers, that’s Louisiana Steak House (their website in English). Honestly, who knew Louisiana was famous for its steak and Wild West atmosphere? Not this Amerikanka!

Now on for some more culturally appropriate fun. Nicole had never been to the Tretyakov Gallery, which is the Russian equivalent of being in Paris for a year and never seeing the Louvre, so that was next on the list. Larisa took care of the ticket-buying so we didn’t have to pay the non-Russian price- 250 rubles vs. 100 rubles (my logic- I earn a Russian salary, I pay Russian prices) and we successfully snuck past the babushki guards.

I’d been to the Tretyakov when our Krasnodar group visited Moscow, so there wasn’t much new and exciting for me. Nevertheless, I enjoyed myself- the Tretyakov’s got plenty to see and after having analyzed several pictures like Appearance of the Messiah and Unequal Marriage in Russian lesson, I had a new appreciation for some of the paintings. While the Tretyakov’s pretty laid back, pictures are strictly against the rules (enforced by aforementioned babushki guards). However, sometimes I just can’t help defying authority, especially in the presence of one of my favorite authors, Maxim Gorky (babushka guard is literally on the other side of that doorframe).

We also managed to stave off hunger and sneak some oranges while pondering Inconsolable Grief.

We spent a couple of hours at the museum until hunger convinced us to try to find the awesome Mexican restaurant that Bob and I discoverd over fall break. Here’s a picture of us leaving the Tretyakov.

I miraculously remembered the way to the restaurant and we took the metro to Park Kulturiy. We soon discovered shortly thereafter that the restuarant is closed indefinitely for technical reasons. Disappointing, especially for six hungry people. We ventured onward, encouraged by a street sign for a nearby restaurant called Il Patio. While walking, I had a slight freak-out when I saw this billboard.

For those of you who don’t know me, hi, I’m Amanda and I have a minor love for the now-canceled TV show Firefly and the man on the billboard, who happened to be a lead in the show. This is an advertisement for White Noise 2: The Light, which came out in Russia on April 19 (doesn’t yet have a US release date). So needless to say, I’ve got a movie date with myself this week.
After a short walk, we found Il Patio and gratefully sat down in a genuine Western-style Italian restaurant. By Western-style, I mean there were no security guards hanging around the restaurant looking for criminals, our waitress came pretty quickly, we each got a menu to look at and there were free sesame breadsticks. See?

Nicole and I were pretty psyched to see a variety of salads on the menu without mayonnaise. She got the Assorted Italian Meat salad, I got a Greek Salad with feta cheese and lots of lettuce. Fulfilling our “silly American” title, we took pictures.

After the meal, we were all sufficiently stuffed and exhausted.

We also had about an hour left to catch our train back, so we slowly got our energy back up and walked around for a little while before heading back. Another place that photography isn’t allowed is inside the metro. But like I said, whatever.

The train back was also pretty uneventful; we got second class seats (a dollar more for individual plush seats!) and most of us passed out immediately. Okay, so not the most captivating adventure for thrill-seekers, but an excellent day nonetheless.

In another episode of Russlish lessons…

I had one of my classes write some questions to ask each other for the oral exam. Most were pretty normal: “What did you do yesterday?” “Where do you go to university?”, etc. However, I anticipated that one student (of “get married to be virgin” fame) might have some interesting questions. Sure enough, I got these:
-Can you to go by bed by man with which you not know?
-Do you eat Japan’s wood?

Classy. Somehow I’m glad that I’m not letting them write their own questions this time. (Last time, someone asked “Who is John Fitzgerald Kennedy?”)

Pronunciation is key in Russian and occasionally makes all the difference in English. One student has the inability to pronounce the “r” in some words, which is why I find some silly pleasure in asking him what he’s wearing. (I’m wearing green and yellow shirt” is great.)

Another one of my schtudents (who I’m convinced bears an eerie resemblance to Haley Joel Osment), is also infamously hilarious when pronouncing some words (see “schtudent”). During a dramatic reading of “Green Eggs and Ham” she was lucky enough to get the line: I do not like them in a box. I do not like them with a fox.” (Unfortunately, all Russians are familiar with the word “fuck”, which resulted in several minutes of uncontrollable laughter)

Before you think that I’m only being harsh on my students, I do have my fair share of embarrassingly hilarious moments. My Russian is better than most of my students’ English, at a level I like to label “ok”. I make mistakes and I However, my repertoire of Russian curse words is at a slightly more advanced level. I know a fair variety and it never fails to impress Russians I hang out with when they think I’m not listening/understanding.

A brief cursing lesson: The word “хрен” (roughly pronounced “khren”) in Russian is pretty equivalent to our “dick”. If you say “хрен знает” (khren znayet), you’re essentially saying “Who the hell knows?” And if you say “пошёл на хрен”… well, Russian is a rich language, and we’ll leave it at that.

So I’ve got a decent good vocabulary in that arena, and usually I just assume that words have solid meanings. Which is why when Nina Mikhailovna asked me if I wanted some хрен with my sandwich for breakfast, I turned two shades of red and purple and had perhaps the most perplexed look ever on my face. She was equally puzzled; I realized that she wasn’t joking, when she reached in the refrigerator and pulled out a jar.
Хрен also means horseradish. Not fair.